Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
