Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
