I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
People in love make me want to vomit
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
