I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
