I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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