just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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