Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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