We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
