Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
