i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
