Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
