Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
