I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
