similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
