Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
