So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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