life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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