Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
