I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
