I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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