how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
