I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
