Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
