eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
