I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
