How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
