I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
