Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize