i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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