when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
