i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
