i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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