I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
