just come out here and I will go home with you...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
