My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
