You just made me feel so damn special
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
