Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
