Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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