He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
