There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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