did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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