Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
