This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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