I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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