I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
