Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
