I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
