Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
