Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
