if you like me you must not know who I am
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize