Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
