and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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