I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
