just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
