when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
