She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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