I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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