This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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