My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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