Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
