She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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