Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
