They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
