the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
