I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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