Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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