im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
