I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
