You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
