come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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