Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The maid of honor just puked.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
