Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
