I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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