I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
