New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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