this beer tastes like vomit already
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize