Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
