beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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